The Upper Room Diaries

Last night, through a short public ceremony, I received my Exhorter credentials from the Assemblies of God, Singapore. I regard this as a significant milestone. Looking back, never did dreamt of coming so far. Never would I dream of obeying God to this extent — forsaking my dreams, enrolling into Bible college, going through the grueling Greek modules, and experiencing the reality of God through the many research/exegesis papers that I have been made to do.

As I recall back six years ago, all I wanted was to be a world-class designer and to set up my own design studio so that I can choose my own clients. However, ever since God called me into ministry, I have literally exchanged my old friendships for new ones forged in AGBC, largely due to their non-understanding of my calling. It hurts, but I guess God gave me back so much more. I believe that the friendship forged in AGBC goes a long way, knowing that all of us would eventually become ministers somewhere someday.

I guess there is something pensive about Graduation that makes me reflect on the jungle path that I had bashed through. When God calls, I guess sometimes you enter a place blind, blind to the knowledge of what is in store for you ahead. For me, the shift from Design to Theology was a world of difference. I recall failing my first ever module. Oh the anguish that I felt because I do not know how to write a paper and finding out that it was too late to withdraw from the module! All I know from my design background was to draw, but writing, to me, was just way too tough. I had to learn to express my thoughts in words rather than from drawing figures. It took me quite awhile to adapt to a writing habit. Anyways, I took one full year to find the courage to take up modules again. Imagine hearing a direct instruction from God to go to Bible college and then get a “F” grade at the very first module! It was really quite a discouragement as the “F” was permanent . . . so much for GPA.

The Bachelors of Theology in AGBC contains two tracks, which the student then would have to choose one of them. It could be understood as something akin to a major. There is the Ministerial Track, and the Theological Track. The Ministerial Track basically trains the student to be proficient in doing ministry, thus an extended number of Ministry (the how-to) modules. Then there is the Theological Track which requires the learning of Greek and taking an extended number of Systematic Theology (the why) modules. This would result in the student being able to articulate how bits and pieces of Christian thought are supposed to link.

Upon approaching my second year of study, when I was to choose my Track, I heard directly from God to pursue the Theological Track. As back then I was still struggling with my transition from Design to Theology, from drawing to writing, from seeing colours to memorizing information; I had people telling me that I do not seem to be built for the Theological Track, which requires all the things I was never good at; bottom-line, people do not see the teaching calibre in me. After all, if I could score better doing the Ministerial Track, why not? However I decided to obey God and take the plunge by doing the Theological Track . . . not that I am not already in a plunge by being in school!

I eventually figured out the truth about myself. It was not that I will never be good at doing what I would be doing, it was that I took longer than normal people to transit. This naturally affected my grades. I was scoring C-’s and B-’s for my first year to the first semester of my second year, and after that A’s and B’s for my subsequent modules. I finished Greek 1 at C-, Greek 2 at B-, and finished Greek Exegesis at A. Heh, to think that I took so long to find my learning pattern, sheez.

So yesterday I got my credentials. That was by no means that I have graduated. That was not a graduation, but it was something that I applied for so as to make my future ministry easier. However this milestone bares the meaning of me looking forward to three areas of my life. The first of them is a no-brainer. I look forward to my launch into Ministry. Excitement begets! Will my first few steps be smooth? Will I hit the ground running? Will I finish all my school assignments before work begins? With bated breath, I look forward to answering these questions.

Besides Ministry I am also looking forward to Marriage. Oh my gosh, I love Serene with all my heart. I am so immensely grateful to God for reserving her for me to love and cherish. All I want to do now is to marry her. However, will I have the money to get married? Will I have the money to support her after marriage? How will God use us after we become one? Again with bated breath, I look forward to answer these questions. Oh, by the way, God actually spoke to someone when he was praying for us. He was so moved and offered to pay for our engagement — meaning the ring, and the meal with of both sides of our family, just a simple one . . . and there seems to be options of places to stay after we are married. Probably even a three-room flat to call our own. Yes, fully paid for. Besides that, there are still many things uncertain. As we deal with the uncertainty, please do continue to pray for us. When we do get married, it would be a giant miracle, and a grand testimony to the grace of God (:

Ministry, Marriage, and the last one is Master. I seek to know my God. I believe that the pursuit of knowledge is endless. Not that I know many things, but I suppose at the moment, I felt that I have understood enough to articulate my faith in a manner that satisfy a general seeking crowd. Now, I want to pursue Spirituality. I guess I would phrased it more accurately if I said it in mandarin “不只读神学, 我要学神.” This meant that I do not only want just to learn Theology, I want to be what I am learning about. There is this intense craving to experience God in manners which I have not experienced before. I have began to Fast, I have began to pray for extended hours, I have began to apply the knowledge that I have gained to real-life situations in the mission field and in Singapore. This seems to craft my philosophy in ministry — I aim for people under my care to have a deeper and more meaningful relationship with God.

So now as I am finishing up my last few lingering assignments for school, there is this sense of bittersweet emotional entanglement. I wonder what would be last words of my last paper be . . . I think I have more or less decided. I would most probably word it as “Give God Glory.”

Amen!