The Upper Room Diaries

I still remember there was a time (like 6 years back?) during one of the services where the pastor called us to divide ourselves among our different “industries” – like the field where we feel God is calling us to. I went to the creative/design side of the hall to be prayed for, thinking “of course design lar, coz it rocks!” I remember looking over to the small group who represent those who think that God had called them into full-time service, be it missionary or pastoral. I remember looking over and say “Heng arh! If not life would be so boring…” Little do I know some day down the road God would tell me that He had reserved a place for me in the ‘boring club’.

It was really a blessing to read what I’m reading now. There was a portion where it talks about the Minister’s call. “The pastor may at times doubt even his own salvation but he will never doubt his call.” Oh man, this is so true. I still cannot forget the time when God called me with the words “I want to use you in ministry.” I can still remember the exact words, the place I was when he singled me out. I can still remember what was happening when he called, I still remember the exact thing I was doing when He called. It was a definite moment that could be recalled at will.

I was so shocked and at the same time comforted to be able to identify with all of the points the author defined. It was read like a systematic structure – like if you are called to “full-time” you would have experienced this, this, this, and that plus that and you will never be able to forget all of the above-mentioned. Oh man, I did not even know my experience could be systematized into a checklist-like thing and never in remotest thinking would I thought that my experience is actually the norm for the called minister.

However, up till now I still do not know why I so readily agreed upon receiving God’s call. Its like how Jesus chose his disciples – when chosen, the disciples just say “orh okie” and began following no question asked. The doubts only came in when I started to question if God would really provide for me. But even so, it was never a doubt of calling. A momentary gift of faith maybe? Yea, maybe…

Maybe I need to hang out with the pastors more often. Fellowship as such is so much needed as only they would be able to fully identify and relate to what I am going through. Sharing with other people would often result in weird stares and bewildered expressions because I am the minority.